I haven't got it down, not even close -- why comparing yourself to others isn't the way to go.

I recently wrote a testimony for my friend Mike. It was basically the post about the waterfall. I re-read through it today and though "how was I that with it?". 

Right now I feel like I have lost my sea legs and my life is an ocean. Life is rocky to say the least. Stress is my main feeling and stuff feels tough (woo I rhyme). 

The thing is that I have been trying to hold on to that feeling of a couple of weeks ago when I felt love and peace. I still feel love. Today my day went from bad to worse. I asked some people to pray for me and it suddenly felt better, well more manageable anyway. 

I suppose what I am trying to say is that when I read that testimony I thought it made me sound like I have got it down. I know what I am doing, which isn't exactly the case. 

Every time I talk to a Christian, and even a non-Christian friend, they give me advice. I live off this advice. The advice to take some time out, or the prayers they can give. They always seem so much more developed. 

I think what worries me is that someone said that to me, they said I seemed like I had it down. I was shocked, but also worried. 

If we spend all our time comparing ourselves to each other then we haven't really got our priorities right. It is one of my main things: there is a guy who sounds like he is speaking the word of God with every word, there is another one who can heal people, there is a girl who seemed so pure, another who inspired me, a girl who felt on fire... All of these people are amazing, they are all so in touch with God, well they seem so to me.

But comparing myself to them isn't going to help. Yes they can inspire me to improve, to spend more time in prayer, but everyone does the God thing their own way. 

I think this really hit home with that testimony, because I must have written that on a really good day. 
Yes, if I wrote one today I would still talk about BFF Jesus, and the love, the singing etc etc, but maybe I would mention the perpetual cycle of sin. The fact that my head is always full of an argument for and against that sin. "But it would be fun" vs "Hello SIN SIN SIN". That stuff didn't come across and I thought maybe that part is a bit important. I haven't got it down. Far from it. I might have figured out another piece in the jigsaw, but I probably lost a few more this week. 

I think now I understand when these people have looked at me and laughed when I say I find them inspiring, because though I publicise my mistakes, they probably have some skeletons around too. 

In summary of this rather ridiculous ramble: I think when God says fellowship and the big word UNITY, what he is trying to say is SUPPORT! We are meant to support and inspire one another, we are meant to be there when the world is getting tough, we are meant to draw us nearer to him through each other. It isn't a competition of who can closest to God. That would just be a bit silly.