I have
kissed a lot of frogs in my past but this year I took it one step further. I
dated a lot of frogs instead.
Now
pre-university, I dated a uniboy. What did he teach me? That you want something
when it is gone, that you can completely grow apart from someone and that he
was actually a complete sweetheart and I was an idiot. Simples.
A boy asked
me out at university and I learnt to trust your own gut and not your friends.
My friend at the time, she actually wasn’t the nicest, said he was too short.
She was wrong and I regretted not giving it a go a fair bit.
But it was
this past year where I jumped head first past commitment issues into the dating
pool. It was educational to say the least.
1) Undefinableboy: I still don’t
understand how or why we ever ended up starting, or what we even were. Drunken
hook up after drunken hook up. Late night phone call after late night phone
call. The real issue was that I developed feelings and he didn’t. What it
taught me is that two people can have a completely different concept of exactly
the same event. It also taught me that someone has to be mentally sound in an undefined relationship.
2) Oldboy: He was a family friend: good
start. We had hooked up before with amazing chemistry: very good start. He was
35: hold up there. This at first was not a problem but soon came the
realisation that age can be an issue. In this case we are now friends and
likely to one day hook up if neither of us have kids when I’m 35 and he is 50.
Works well enough.
3) Wildboy: Now he was sexy, attractive
and adventurous. He was actually a breath of fresh air against graduates and
the like. He had a PhD, he had been in a Thai prison, he had a tattoo on a certain bodypart. The problem is he was wild, exciting and only really suitable for the
short-term. Not the husband material if you get what I mean.
4) 180flipboy: Oh wow. Now he was the
long-term husband material boy, until he did a 180 degree shift on me. Queue:
lets be in a relationship (me: only open), lets get you to spend 100s of pounds
calling from Uganda, lets talk about how much I love you, how you are the best
girl I have ever dated etc etc etc: bullshit. So he broke up with me while I
was in a stormy taxi in Uganda. Chicken squawking one side, baby screaming on
the other, me with tears pouring down my cheeks in the middle. It was not the
best moment. It got even worse when he broke up with his new girlfriend and
came crawling back a sex-obsessed arse hole (queue majorly off-putting for most girls out there, majorly majorly off-putting for Christian girls out there).
5) Then came Charityboy. Tall, dark,
handsome and now married. He was, for both of us, the most confusing element of
relationships. He inspired me, his passion for charity was sexy as hell and I
felt like I was drawn to him whenever I saw him. When I found out about the
girlfriend that all came shattering down and I guess it was his charity work
and what he taught me about it that made me really fall for him. So that taught
me that you have to decipher what makes you mad about someone – them or what
they do.
6) Lovedhimsomuchboy. It actually hurts
to type his name. He was the first boy I loved, the first to break my heart,
but worst of all the first to make me completely change all my spots. He had a
girlfriend. It was a one-time thing and then a month later erupted. He would say he loved me so much, he’d do anything for me in the world. The
moment I left the country he went straight back to her and my phone came full
of death threats and declarations that I was mad and imagined the whole thing.
So what did that teach me. Love is not nice, simple or understandable. It is
painful, it is mean and it hurts like hell when it is yanked away from you, but
it is still worth every minute (bar becoming the other woman skank).
7) FWBboy was an amazing discovery to add to the list. He became a good friend beyond anything. He was there when I needed
him and actually made me feel worth more than a hole. So I can just keep it
simple. Sometimes you will get on with someone really well. Sometimes that same
person is ok to kiss, to hug, to cuddle, to do many things. But maybe that
person isn’t relationship material. I don’t know if that is timing, not being
emotionally available or just life, but all I know is he was exactly what I
needed at that precise moment, and I am so grateful for his existence in my life.
8) Unexpectedboy. One night with a friend
and we swung open an unwritten book. We will have to see what happens with this
one, but I guess surprises come and go.
Now this
chorus of boys might leave something to be answered. Where now? I have two
possible options. The sensible choice and the not so sensible choice, as well
as various of the above reemerging. But one thing can be said for certain – I have
learnt a lot this year. A hell of a lot, about myself, about men and about
dating.
I now want a relationship (I think) – casual and open didn’t do it for me in the
end (tonight anyway). I now want to be respected, to be loved, to be adored (definitely). I now want to have
someone texting me at night, to be holding my hand during the day . But most of
all I now have loved for the first time, fell for a friend for the first time, and
well yeh there were a lot of firsts.
So what has this got to do with God and Christianity. Well because God gave me what I have been asking for. I prayed to be loved and I was, but beyond that he gave me more than I could have ever dreamed. He allowed me to experience, learn and mess up by myself - just like a Father would. So thank you God.
** A certain
friend has been left out of this list because his book is opened, closed and
remains completely unanswered. I hope one day to decipher what and who he will
become in my life. Right now he is something very special with his own category
personalised just for him, and that is someone I am very grateful for.
